


The Journey to Kirkwall

by Fenchurch87



Series: Tales of Kirkwall (and Beyond) [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 06:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15430875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenchurch87/pseuds/Fenchurch87
Summary: Marian Hawke and Aveline bond over their shared grief. Originally written in response to a writing prompt on /r/dragonage.





	The Journey to Kirkwall

_Looks like it's going to be another rough night._ Marian Hawke lay wide awake on her bunk, wishing she could shut out her mother's groans. The storm that had plagued them since they'd left Ferelden had finally abated, but Leandra's seasickness was just as severe as ever. Hawke had barely slept for the past week. She never knew when she would be called upon to hold the bucket.

“Isn't there anything you can do?” Carver called from across the cabin. “There must be a spell that will make her feel better.”

“I can't even heal a bruise, Carver. You know that.”

“Bethany was the healer in the family.” Her mother's voice was barely above a whisper, dulled by illness and grief. “My dear, sweet girl. How I wish she were here now.” Leandra began to cry, her sobs punctuated by the occasional moan.

Hawke stiffened. It wouldn't be long before the accusations started to fly, and she wasn't sure she could stand listening to her mother point out her many failings yet again. _She really needn't bother._ She was already acutely aware of all the ways in which she had fallen short as a daughter. She stood up and reached for the lantern that stood on the floor beside her bunk.

“Where are you going?” There was a note of panic in Carver's voice at the prospect of being left alone with their mother.

“Out on deck. I can't stay in here any longer.” _Let Carver dry mother's tears and hold her hair back for a change_ , she thought as she closed the door behind her.

*****

The sea breeze tore through her clothes and whipped at her hair, but she was so relieved to be out of the cabin that she barely noticed it. She leant on the railing and looked out into the darkness.

_Bethany._ Her sister was never far from her mind, but now that she was alone with her thoughts for the first time since leaving Lothering, she was almost overwhelmed with memories. There was one image in particular that she couldn't get out of her head; the look of grim determination on her sister's face just before she charged at the ogre.

_I'm sorry, Bethany._ She had vowed to protect her sister, protect them all, when her father died. _I failed her, just like I failed Father._ Tears ran down her cheeks as she continued to stare out over the black water. _It should have been me who ran at the ogre. It should have been me who died._

A noise from further along the deck interrupted her thoughts. She wiped her eyes and listened. There it was again. It sounded like a woman sobbing.

“Are you alright?” She lifted her lantern and peered into the gloom.

A sniffle, and then a familiar voice called, “Hawke? Is that you?”

“Aveline?”

She heard footsteps, and suddenly the soldier was standing beside her.

“It looks like we've had the same idea.” Aveline's green eyes met hers in the darkness. “I like to come out here sometimes and think about Wesley.”

_Of course._ Hawke felt a fresh stab of guilt. “I'm sorry, Aveline. I never asked if you were alright. I never thought.”

“You don't have to apologise, Hawke. You have your own problems to deal with.” Aveline took a step closer. “I'm sorry about Bethany. How are you holding up?”

“Mother won't stop crying. She's completely heartbroken. So is Carver, but of course he'll never admit it.”

“And what about you?”

She shrugged uncomfortably. “I'll be alright. I have to be.”

“You need to let yourself grieve, Hawke. Stop worrying about your family, and take care of yourself for a change.”

“I can't do that.”

Aveline moved a little closer. “Hawke, I know I shouldn't pry, but I heard things when we were travelling together. Things your mother and brother were saying to you. Are they still saying those things?”

“About Bethany's death being my fault? Yes.”

“And you believe them?”

“Of course I do. They're all true.”

“They are not true.” She couldn't see Aveline's face, but somehow she could tell that she was frowning. “You know that, and so do they. They're lashing out at you because it's easier to blame somebody else than it is to deal with their own guilt.” Aveline reached out and lightly touched her hand as it rested on the railing. “Don't listen to them, Hawke.”

She wasn't sure she entirely believed Aveline's words, but they were comforting all the same. She turned her hand over and gave the other woman's fingers a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.”

 


End file.
